Quirky Spots in the Mission

Guidebooks tell tourists to make their way to the Mission for authentic Mexican food and world-class murals. But the residents will tell you that there's much more to brag about in the barrio, especially if you're willing to venture beyond the ordinary and embrace local oddities. These neighborhood institutions are a bit off-kilter, and that's exactly why we love them so dearly.

When booty calls, answer. Sing along to a sea shanty while digging for buried treasure at this pirate-themed gift shop that serves as a financial front for the after-school tutoring program located in the back of the store. At 826 Valencia's Pirate Supply Store, Curious explorers will find three trap doors in the floor, as well as a Fish Theatre (PlayGill purchased separately) behind a velvet curtain. In addition to stocking up on doubloons, Jolly Roger flags, temporary tattoos, messages in a bottle, and signs discouraging shark-bothering, you can purchase a collection of published writings and drawings by Mission High School Students.

If biological specimens are what you seek, you'll find them next door at Paxton Gate (824 Valencia). Step into a strange world where pickled puppies share shelf space with a fetal kitten floating in formaldehyde. Peer at a pair of taxidermied peacocks perched among headmounts of wildebeest, kudu, and jackalope. Fondle a few fossilized sea creatures or semi-precious gemstones, displayed alongside steampunk nautical lamps. When you're ready to come up for air, wander to the back of the store to browse the bromeliads. If you must purchase a framed tarantula for your squeamish aunt, be sure to present it in poster wrap printed with fungus or reptiles or a human skull. You wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

Avoid the long (but totally worth it) lines at Mitchell's Ice Cream and take your taste buds on an adventure at Humphry Slocombe. Named after the main characters in the classic British TV series, "Are You Being Served?", their strange bedfellows ice cream flavors reflect a similar dry wit. The secret's already out about Secret Breakfast (made with corn flakes and bourbon), but you can be the first in your family to try Carrot Mango, Government Cheese, Peanut Butter Curry, Hibiscus Beet, or Elvis (the fat years). If you'd rather stick with the classics, there's always Tahitian V*n!ll@ or Here's Your Damn Strawberry.

What are the hours for this lively street café known for its kitschy charm, shared sangrias, and stick-to-your-ribs beans and rice? Your guess is as good as ours, but Wednesday or Thursday night after 7:30pm is sometimes a good bet. Listen for live music on the sidewalk outside the hole-in-the-wall Cuban-esque eatery (1109 Valencia), which is known more for its ambience than its culinary qualities. You may wait quite a while for your food at Radio Habana Social Club, but you can take advantage of that time to admire the mobiles made of mix-and-match dangling doll parts juxtaposed with a jam-packed jumble of random photos and Dada art covering the walls.

Since long before the pandemic spawned artisan cocktails-to-go, Mission insiders have been strolling down the street sipping on "Cutty Bangs" from Mr. Liquor (1200 Valencia). These O.G. grab-and-go cocktail mixes come pre-packaged in a ziplock pouch, complete with a straw. Snag a baggie from the big fridge in the back, then reach into the cooler by the counter for a plastic cup with ice, and stop at the nearest stoop to fill your cup. Choose from more than a dozen drink options, including Pink Panties, Thug Paradise, Sexy Time, and W.G. Wasted. For more background on this day-drinking tradition in the Mission, read Ariana Bindman's brilliant take in SFGate.